The following is from a pastoral Christian BIBLICAL position and is not intended as a replacement of personal Biblical counseling

BASIC HELP FOR THE MARRIAGE UNDER ATTACK

by Pastor Peter Macinta

There is one thing that you must clearly understand before you proceed in getting real and lasting help in your marriage or someone else's marriage: EVERY human being is primarily a spirit creature. God's Word makes it very plain that we are all created in God's image. When you look at yourself in a mirror or you look at your spouse, you are looking at a spirit creature (see Gen. 1:27). Since we ARE spirit creatures, our direction and help should be sought in God.

Because of Adam's sin, we are born with a sin nature. So, if there is trouble in your marriage (or someone else's), whether it is over money, sex, jealousy, whatever, the underlying problem is a SPIRITUAL ONE, all the rest is the "tip of the iceberg"! Suffice it to say that if your marriage is under attack, it is really a spiritual attack spearheaded by satan himself. If you want more detailed information on this attack, I plan to have a page that provides a little bit more detailed information so all may know how to pray more effectively and also know what things might need to be corrected in our lives. That particular page will be "Marriage Under Attack - A Closer Look."

If you continue on with these pages, with God's help I will help train you the best I currently can to fight this spiritual warfare for your marriage.

Just below this paragraph is the table of contents for this particular page. Separate associated pages appear at the bottom. I write these pages because I know how a child feels when he / she hears the word "divorce." Don't be fooled - it cuts them like a jagged knife. It does not matter what age they are too. The couple in trouble may be in their 50's or higher and have adult children - it still often hurts them deep down inside. I have seen this pain in the eyes of children whose daddy did not come home night after night, who have seen their mother cry, etc. Hence, when I look at the Prayer Forums and I see many requests for prayer for homes that satan is destroying, I want to do what I can as a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIGE! Let's begin . . .

A VERY Important Question

Before we can progress, you need to honestly answer an important question. If you answer "no" to this question, there is still hope for your situation, however you may not fully understand what I have written on this page nor will you have the complete ability to perform the suggestions I make nor the full ability to follow the distinct commands in God's Word. Also, you will not have available to you the full spiritual authority to combat the forces of darkness.

The question is, "Are you a born again Christian?" That is, at some point in your life have you ever asked Jesus to forgive you of your sins (and we all do sin - we're born that way- we cannot help it - we sin!) and then asked Jesus to come into your heart (that is, the very center of your life) to rule and reign as KING and LORD of your life (This means to be fully dedicated to God - You give EVERYTHING to God )? If you think that you have not sinned, Romans 3:10 says we all did sin. Or, perhaps you may think of yourself as a good moral person. The Bible makes it very clear that we do not go to heaven for being a good moral person or having more good deeds than bad ones (Titus 3:5). Also, don't depend upon your church, denomination, priest or minister to get you to heaven (John 14:6).

If you answer is, "No, I have not accepted Christ as my Savior...", NOW is the time to surrender to Christ as your Savior. You did not come to this page by mistake! Please click the following link then, and another window will open up. Here is the link: I WANT TO SURRENDER TO CHRIST NOW! Once you commit Christ, you will have the ability to pray with power and fervor, making any corrections that are needed in your life.

If you answer yes, hopefully you will understand most of what will be presented on this page, being able to apply it in your situation until you see results.

Scroll down for the next topic..."Some Powerful Precepts", or ...Return To The Top

At this point you need to make a clear cut decision in your heart and mind as to where will you receive your main source of direction: people or God? Hopefully you have read and are still reading your Bible. Is it FIRMLY planted in your heart and mind that the Bible is THE WORD OF GOD?. If that is the case, then you will seriously consider putting these precepts into motion for your marriage if you have not already done so.

Precept 1 - You're NOT your own!
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."-1 Cor19-20

You may not like that idea, but that IS the Word of God. Jesus bought you and me. We are to obey Him. Yet, you may object and say that you are no one's slave. Do not fool yourself! The Scriptures indicate that you belong either to God or to satan. As far as I am concerned, I choose God. How about you!?

If we are saved, born again, we belong to God. Therefore, we are to obey the Word of God. So, . . .

Precept 2: "Walk In Love", "Husbands, Love Your Wives" (Eph.5:2 and 25) and "Wives... Love Their Husbands" (Titus 2:4)-
    First, note that this is a command of Scripture, a direct command from God - love. There is no option here. We must love. And note that, with these Scriptures just mentioned, BOTH are COMMANDED to love.

Understand that true love is not just emotion and not just from our "heart", but demands a decision from our mind that we are going to love no matter what! And, some of us may not like it, but as you see from a precept above, you and I, if we truly operate in the Holy Spirit, have no choice but to obey God. When we disobey, we are not walking in the Holy Spirit. In fact, willful disobedience to God's commands is equal to WITCHCRAFT! (1 Sam. 15:23).

There are 2 Greek words used for love in the New Testament. On separate pages I discuss 3 Greek words for love that play a VITAL ROLE in marriage. The pages are called "Real Love" and the link will be appearing at the bottom of all the marriage pages.

Suffice it for now that the word used in Ephesians is the highest, most godly form of love. It means that we must love our spouse no matter how they act, what sins they commit, if they get old, go through menopause, become ill, lose their job ... you get the picture.

Does your spouse have wrinkles, getting old, becoming impotent? Having a rough time to adapt? Tempted by someone younger, fresher? It's time to pray. God has called you to love your present spouse. Decide now if you are going to be like some others who forsake their spouses for someone else or are you going to take a stand - standing on God's Word. Want to take stand?, Let's pray!...
Father, I know full well that I must love my spouse, but, my Father, I am a frail human. Lord, help me to focus my mind on loving my spouse. Help me to love my spouse as You Yourself love him/ her. Help me to see the good qualities in him/ her, and rekindle that love we had for one another. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

Now, I remind you that you can pray similar prayers. That was just a guideline. Pray from your heart and use your own words.

Precept 3: Your Body Belongs To Your Spouse!-
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor. 7:3-5

Let me paraphrase those verses - Thou shalt not have a headache! Hope that at least brought a smile to your face!

Understand, once we enter into that marriage bond your body IS your spouse's body, and his / her body IS your body. That is the Word of God (Gen. 2:24, Mt. 19:5-6, Mk. 10:8, Eph. 5:31). Married couples ARE one flesh, until physical death. God says so! One time at a public library I was glancing at various books on marriage written from a worldly perspective. I opened one book and read something to the effect "...whoever said that the 'two shall become one flesh' did not know what they were talking about." Evidently this self styled expert never picked up a Holy Bible and read the very first book. Tell you what, if I find that book again I will place the name of the author and the name of the publisher on this page. I would like to expose their stupidity because the One Who said "the two shall be one flesh" was none other than GOD! God doesn't know what He is talking about?

The passage in red above (1 Cor. 7:3-5) directly refers to sexual intercourse. Sometimes couples "punish" each other by refusing to have sex with the "offending spouse". The Scriptures declare this to be sin.

Now, surely, if one party is really ill or hurting, the other party needs to understand that and wait. God will give you the grace.

Another instance where denial of sexual intercourse may be proper is when one party is unfaithful, BUT, I quickly add, DO NOT USE THAT AS A BASIS OF PUNISHMENT, ONLY PROTECTION FOR THE FAITHFUL SPOUSE. Notice too that I said, "may be proper". Always seek direction from God as what to do.

Precept 4: You ARE One Flesh-
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. - Gen. 2:24
Yes, quite similar to what I just mentioned, but I feel led of the Holy Spirit to take you deeper.

If we are real Christians, we are to one with Christ, Christ in us and we in Him (John 17:23 & 26, 1 Jo. 14:3). In Ephesians 5:21 - 33, the truth of the union of Christ and those that believe in Him is joined with the marriage relationship! In the relationship between Christ and us, each individual Christian is blended into Christ becoming a new creation, and as he/ she yields themselves to the Holy Spirit, the Person of Christ shines through that individual more and more as the old person they were fades away. In marriage, a new creation is to occur too, engineered by God. Each person's personality needs to be modified. When a couple resists being blended in such a way, trouble is sure to arise in a marriage.

One extreme thought I have heard along this line is "when you get married, someone dies"- in other words, one spouse decides more or less to be fashioned by their companion. God's ideal is that BOTH die to self, let Christ live through them, and permit the Holy Spirit to mold their personalities. If there is any "secret" to a victorious Christian walk, it is that in order to really live, you die to self and let Christ live through you.

Begin now to let the Holy Spirit mold and shape you. Yes, it hurts at times, but the reward is great. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE! Pray and let God do that. Pray that YOU change into the image of Christ.

And if there are, or will be children...If you have children or are going to have children, the precept of ONE FLESH plays an important role. Away from the children, agree together on how to reward and punish, and who shall do the punishing. A rule of thumb for that last thought is if one parent is angered or offended by what a child did the OTHER parent should usually discipline, but, CAREFUL- do not have the same parent administer discipline all the time. So, the parent that may be angered may have to "cool off" first and then discipline the child. What if both parents are angered? Uh, flip a coin - not the child! No, you may wish to both administer the discipline. If one parent is away quite a bit, don't say "Wait until your Dad / Mom comes home." Cool off, think about how to discipline, then do it yourself.

By the way, do not let satan use what I just told you as a tool to turn your child's attitude against your spouse! Do as God would have you to do. Treat your spouse with due respect. Share in the responsibility of disciplining your child. While we are on this topic, note this well: IF YOU FAIL TO DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILD IN A GODLY MANNER YOUR CHILD WILL REBEL AGAINST YOU LATER!

ONE FLESH - All that you are and have (yes, your possessions too) is your spouse's and all that your spouse is and has is you and yours. Operate as ONE flesh towards all your relatives, friends, and enemies. Operating as ONE FLESH helps each individual in a marriage to ward off extramarital temptations. More will be said about that on another page. Suffice it to say now that as you treat each other as God wants you to treat each other you will be way ahead in safeguarding your marriage. There is a song entitled "Each For The Other" and the chorus ends "...each for the other, and both for the Lord". - Amen!

Precept 5: Cleave (cling) To Each Other-"... and shall cleave unto his wife:..." - Gen. 2:24
Yes, I'm working my way backwards through Gen. 2:24. A husband and wife are to cleave (cling) unto each other, no matter what! This thought of cleaving is the same idea as an infant anxiously hanging on to his parents. Our primary loyalty is to God. Just below that we need to place our loyalty to our spouse.

Precept 6: Leave!-"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,..." - Gen. 2:24>
When a man and a woman come together in marriage they are forming a new family unit. Both husband and wife must...

I encourage married couples NOT to live with either set of parents. Genesis seems to indicate to that seldom is it a good idea for more than one family to dwell under the same roof.

These two precepts that we have just mentioned are easily remembered by the phrase "Leave and cleave!"

Precept 7: Forgive-Realize that you are just as frail as your spouse and remember that if we expect God to forgive us, we need to forgive our spouse. How often? How many times did Jesus tell Peter to forgive those that offend him? And forgive ANYTHING? Indeed yes, for Jesus certainly forgave Peter for denying Him. You may click here and another window will pop up with a page on forgiveness.

Honestly Examine Yourself:

Tools

Some of the tools may look a bit weird to you, especially if you do not have a Pentecostal background. Admittedly, there may be some tools on this list that might look weird to some Pentecostals! I, myself, thought that very same thing when first beginning in the ministry, but I have learned that all of these tools have a Biblical basis - and they work! The important thing to remember though is to put your trust in GOD - NOT THE TOOLS! Now here is the list: